Well my results are in from my biopsy this week, and there is no drum roll with these kind of results! When things go bad, they go really, really bad lol. This is something you just cant script!
I was on the way to a wake Thursday night and suddenly my husband realized my car had flat tire just as we where entering the parkway. We tried to change the tire, but our dismay we where unable to get the bolts off my wheel. So as my husband is calling a tow truck I sat in the car in the AC. As I did this strange number came across my phone, I answered it and to my surprise it was my breast surgeon and he had an up beat tone in his voice. I didn’t think that my results would be ready until tomrrow. I start to think good news??? Nope I could not have been more wrong. My report showed “atypical” cells and then that damn”C“word crept in my head. My doctor said,”with these findings we can’t rule out recurrent cancer”. That moment my stomach dropped and I felt a warmth coming up from my feet, to my knees, all the way to my head. After hearing those words that went to the core of my spirit, everything else he said just sounded to me like Charlie Browns teacher,just noise. Nothing at that point was comprehendable. So I reached in my purse for a few zanaxs to aid in the soon and fast approuching anxioty attach that I knew was headed my way.(I have a purse full of stuff. Usually a large Coach or Michaels Kors bag. I pratically can preform surgery on someone if I had to with all the crap I carry lol).
The first thing I said to him was, mastectomy! Like I said before I am so over my breasts, TAKE THEM OFF ALREADY!!!!. My doctor did say that will be the next step, however we need to confirm that it defiantly is recurrent breast cancer. So,I am now having a surgery to have more tissue from the area removed, kinda like a lumpectomy but without the removal of the lymph nodes on Thursday. I choose to be awake for the procedure(yea sounds scary but they drug you up, Ill enjoy the legal drugs while I can lol) because 9 weeks ago when I had my hysterectomy my lung partially collapsed. I don’t want to take any chances and end up with pneunomia and inpatient in the hospital Also, to have the preop test and wait 4 weeks for the surgery?? NO THANK YOU, let’s get it done and over! If you have not relazied it by now I am very aggressive when it comes to this.
I now find myself again faced with my own mortality again at the age of 37. (I think in a previous life I was a cat because I seem to have 9 lives lol). I am so done and over it all, however I will never say I cant do this, because I am a fighter. I will survive there is no other way.(This is the point where I would add back ground music of Gloria Gainers unforgettable hit, I Will Survive.Yes, it may be little cheesey but hell it works!!)
However, this is coming at the worst time (not that there is a good time for cancer and not that you can plan to have it when you choose lol). I just returned back to work this past Wensday and now next week I will be going back out on disability! I think I am gonna buy a lottery ticket because no one can have this much bad luck lol. Again, my positive thought is a new perky pair of C cups 🙂 if worse comes to worse!