It’s not saying goodbye…it’s saying HELLO to life!!!!

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Most people have a difficult time saying goodbye. We make attachments to people, things and ways of life. We get complacent in our lives.

I learned in my early 20’s that there would be all to many goodbyes for me in life. I lost two pregnancies, said a farewell to my mother who passed when I was 24, mourned the loss of my grandmother who was like a second mother to me. ( she always said I was her favorite! Some how I think she told all my cousins that lol). And to top it all off got divorced.

Saying goodbye has given me thick skin. By the time I was 34, and my father passed and once again saying goodbye for good ran deep through my veins. I  also had expieranced a ectopic pregnancy and had emergency surgery to remove one of my fallopian tubes. At this early age saying goodbye to so many people and things did not make it any easier by any means, it just made saying it take on a different meaning for me in my life. I accepted saying goodbye as a new phase. Moving beyond today, missing yesterday and looking toward a hopeful future.

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That is why as I prepare to say goodbye to my breasts I shall not morn! I will not regret getting rid of the cancer in me by amputating them. I am moving onto a new phase in my life. Of course there is always that ” chance” it can rear its ugly head at any time. But is that not the case with everyone? It is never expected for these things to happen at the perfect time in our lives. But this time I am in charge of my body!! I can say where and when they go this time.

So it is now time to draw the final curtain on my girls. Its time for them to take a final bow. It has been fun living with you. At times you have looked great, but more recently you made me ill and caused me anxiety and pain. And for that I shall say my final goodbye to you both!! Its been nice knowing you, but my new ones I think I will enjoy much more, because they will not try to kill me! GOODBYE!!!!!!!!!!!

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About chemobrainandmore

My name is Heather and I am now 39 yrs old living at the Jersey shore. I was diagnosed Jan 2011 with stage II A breast cancer right after my 36th birthday. Sadly I was married for just a year at the time.I had four rounds of chemo 33 round of radiation a lumpectonly and MANY ,MANY biopsies. As if that was not enough I ended up having a total hysterectomy summer of 2012. And then this past July 2013 I under went a bilateral mastectomy and I am still under going reconstruction. I am a mom, a wife and a survivor! I have had more ups and downs then I have fingers and toes! But through it all I have had a smile on my face and try to laugh my way through it all. I have done two Strides Walk for breast cancer and I am extremely proud of how much I have raised ( I made pacesetter status!) I enjoy laughing and making people laugh, and if my blog can shed some light on cancer and make one person laugh at ,or with me ,then the fight has been worth it. Thank you for reading about my life and taking a ride with me on this journey. Feel free to reach out to me, I love being able to pay it forward and help others!

7 responses »

  1. I’ve always been an optimist. Now, at 53, I’m finding it kinda freeing to be sarcastic and really real about how I’m feeling. I do have a twinge of guilt when I run into someone like you who’s got a genuinely good attitude. But, I say, what the hell, I’ve earned mine, too. Love the card “my real ones tried to kill me.”

    • Thank you that card is great! I figure I have yo go through all of it I might as well laugh along the way as I do. I could have curled up into a ball years ago but that would not have helped anyone. Thank you for reading my blog its a great outlet, as you know. Good luck with your journey!

  2. Thanks for writing, for giving your perspective on the surgery. I am thinking of you and wishing you continued positive thinking. Elizabeth Bishop wrote a poem called, “One Art,” which begins , “The art of losing is hard to master……….” Your post reminded me so much of the poem, how we learn to lose, yet it is still always hard. Best wishes to you.

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