As I sit on the eve of my fourth fill of my expanders,I feel like I just want to break out! By that I mean I don’t want to feel like life is passing me by. I want to have fun!
Let’s hop a plane to Vagas on a whim.
Get in my car and drive, drive as far as I can go on a tank of gas! Or color my hair blue or purple, or heck shave it into a mullet again lol!
Business in the front, party in the back!
Rent a Ferrari and go really, really fast with the windows down with the wind blowing in my hair( I have really long chemo curls now that probably would knot up from the wind,but who cares its a Ferrari! lol) .
I just want to break out of this little box I’m living in. Have no pain, no worries, no bills, no doctor appointments for a day. I want to forget that I am someone’s patient, a statistic a work in progress.
I just want to be….and have fun!
I wanted to pass along some great information about Mesothelioma.
I was contacted by Community Outreach Director for a cancer organization known as the Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance. Not many people are aware of this type of Cancer or how you could be exposed. I personally have seen the effects of this horrible cancer first hand.
So I am happy to pass along some information about it. Spread the word!
I wish my surprise was this cute!!
Thursday I got my second fill up. Like I said before ,it was pretty rough. Friday at dinner my husband noticed my right fore arm was slightly swollen, and I concurred. That is the side I had my lumpectomy and radiation before my mastectomy. Something is not kosher here.
Saturday and Sunday I stared to feel pressure and almost like a carpel tunnel feeling in my hand all the way up to my shoulder. First thing comes to mind…lymphadema! Crap! I don’t want to look like the elephant man. How can this be??? My sentinel node was removed two years ago!!! Then my mind goes to over drive. Its a blood clot, I just know it! Its gonna break off and go to my lungs and or heart and that will be it!! I’m convinced its a post op blood clot. Note to self…
YOU DUMMY!! STOP READING WEB MD,YOU ARE NOT A DOCTOR NOR DO YOU PLAY ONE ON TV!!! AND NO, YOU DID NOT STAY AT A HOLIDAY INN LAST NIGHT!!
So I figured I better call my plastic surgeon. He believed since it didn’t look like (elephantiasis, my words not his) and I’m not in excruciating pain, its more then likely lymphademia. Wrap it up, elevate it and call my oncology surgeon in the morning
I’m glad its not a ER visit. It just sucks for this to develop now. I know there is not much that can be done but lymphatic massage and compression.( maybe the massage will be relaxing????) Well maybe my swollen arm will take the attention away from the fact that I’m boobless lol! Gotta find some positive out of this 🙂
Well I got another 50 CC’s today! Woo whoo! Maybe by the next fill up I can get a training bra for the girls lol!! Actually no bra required right now, its very liberating! See look another positive to having cancer!
Look how little they are, so cute l
I do have to say this fill up was a doozy! My left side took about five minutes of digging with that bat size needle to find the port in the expander.
Then the right side ( the radiated side) is becoming hard and really, really hurts. The needle went in fine except it hit my chest muscle on the way in,and my muscle started contracting. This was a very strange feeling. So today I was a human dart board! I’m sure my husband with all the stress from this wouldn’t mind taking a shot at throwing a dart at me!! Lmao
We also found out that this whole process is A LOT longer then expected. I’m just freaking because the holidays, my anniversary and three birthdays are coming up, disability pay just just does not cut it. I can see myself now with a pile of pine cones, Elmer’s glue and glitter making gifts!! ” Sorry son, no tablet for Christmas, but I make you this nifty glitter cone!”. Don’t think that will go over to well with a 14 yr old.
YES I am going to be a pain in the ass about this!!! So I am reposting this important blog.
I am so passionate about ACS and what they do for breast cancer. Sadly I am no where near my goal, but that’s ok! I did just have a mastectomy a few weeks ago so I don’t have my usual ways of fund raising.
If you can find it in your heart and in your wallet to donate ANYTHING it would be greatly appreciated!! As always pass along my information!!
The more money we raise, the more lives we can save!
I hope everyone is feeling a little generous! Please check out my link to my personal American Cancer Society Making Strides to end Breast Cancer fund raising page. I wont be able to walk due to my condition but that wont stop me from exceeding the amount I raised last year!! So if you can find it in you heart(and your pocket lol) and show your support by making a donation. And if you do, I thank you from the bottom of my heart!! And if you are unable to know I appreciate the thought!
WHY I AM MAKING STRIDES
Because I know I will make a difference in the fight to end breast cancer. I know that by raising funds and walking in the American
Cancer Society Making Strides Against Breast Cancer event I will help
save lives from breast cancer. Last year I was thrilled to make Pacesetter status by raising over $2600 and that was my first year participating!
I believe that one day breast cancer will never steal another year from anyone’s life like it had done to me. Making Strides is not only my opportunity to join my community to fight back against breast cancer but it is also a way to inspire hope by raising funds and awareness to help those facing
the disease like myself.
WHO I AM MAKING STRIDES FOR
My reason for walking in the Making Strides event is personal – just
like every other walker’s story. As many of you know I was diagnosed
almost three years ago with stage II A breast cancer at age 36 after
being married for only a year. I had a lumpectomy, four rounds of chemo, 33 rounds of radiation ,four more breast biopsy’s, a total hysterectomy and just six weeks ago I had a bilateral mastectomy. All because of Breast cancer!! It has been a very hard and long journey!!!!
We need to find a cure so no more days are taken away from people like myself by this horrible disease!!
Today is one of the bad days for me. Why you may ask? I’m cancer free, my girls are starting to be filled up I should be thrilled, right???
After my fill up two days ago the pain from the expanders is back. Its been six weeks of on going pain physically. I believe I am starting to grieve all my losses from my past up till today. I never did that with my ectopic pregnancy or the lumpectomy, or the hysterectomy. And now with the bilateral mastectomy its a bit much. I feel my sprit, like a heavy stone that has been thrown into a pond,is slowly sinking to the bottom.
Hopefully this journey I’m on leads me back to the top of that pond. Where I can float free and be myself again.