Monthly Archives: December 2013

2014 I can feel it, its gonna be good!

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Happy New Year! May 2014 be better then 2013 for all! May we come closer to a cure in the up coming year and may there be less of us diagnosed!

I’m looking forward to hopefully a calmer year. With that being said I am confident my next surgery will go well!! And this will be the last of it!

Adios 2013!! Here comes a better 2014!!

Xo Heather

Guess what Santa is bringing me this year??? The hint is twins!

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YES, Virgina there is a Santa Clause!!

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Check out my BC ornament another survivor made me

And this Christmas he is giving me the gift of “new girls”! Ahhhh yes!!!! The gift that will be the kind that keeps on giving. “Why is that?”, you may ask? Well, the first thing is no matter what I am doing, walking, sitting, standing, sleeping or especially getting dressed I am in pain of some kind. Its the scar tissue on my right side, its a thorn in my side. Or in my case my breast lol. I am constantly reminded that I have had the big C. Just when I feel “normal” for a bit, I either move the wrong way or look in the mirror and I am reminded there is a different “normal”.

Now, the next thing is the positive about having breast cancer! Yes, yes,YES…there are positives to having cancer you just have to look really hard, but they are there. Take this example; my first go around with the big C I had chemo, now that sucked! Your probability thinking, “there is a positive about chemo”,? YES there is! I now have thick, long, curly hair! The
kind that if it was 1987 I could rock out big time with my big Jersey hair and a can of Aqua Net, look out Bon Jovi here I come!! God how I miss the 80’s lol , such a great decade.

The next positive came with this second bout with the big C. My new BFF’s , aka breasts and they defy gravity! Yes!! I have new, perky, magical boobs! Now, now! Don’t be jealous, remember I three year battle to get these babies. Unfortunately I got them the way you don’t want to receive new breasts, but what the hell I’ll take em. Also, I am proud of what I have, and more importantly I am blessed to be a cancer survivor!

Oh I almost forgot to mention the most important thing about the new girls is…wait for it…wait for it…THEY DO NOT SAGG!  Say goodbye to under wire, its a thing of the past! I can see it now being 90 years old, god willing, and they will be the only thing on my body that’s not dragging on the floor or has been removed  surgically 🙂

So again YES, Virgina there is a Santa Clause and I have been a VERY, VERY good girl this year!!! I shall have those magical breasts of past blogs that I had wish for. Actually I got a whole lot more then breasts. I have learned lessons about life. I see the things in my life that are the real important things. I no longer sweat the little things. I try to take things lightly and joke often( remember laughter is contagious).But most of all I appreciate my life, family, friends, son ,my husband Rick. Without all that I wouldn’t be here today. I should start spelling my husbands name R-O-C-K, because that is what he is.

So my wish is to you to have a magical Christmas with all your hearts desires!! And may a healthy New Year be in sight for 2014! Let’s face it was a crappy year for me, so from here the only way is up!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!
Love,
Heather
aka Chemobrainandmore

p.s. Santa if it’s not to much to ask I would really like to hit the lottery! I promise to share…Yea, yea I know I’m pushing it lol. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL 🙂

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Am I dreaming?? Or is today the last fill of my expanders!!

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YES,YES !!, This not a dream but it is the day that I’ve been waiting for since July 26! Today is the last day to fill my expanders with 25 cc’s. I will now at 950. And of course I was up all night long not sleeping because I am excited and I’m very anxious. Oh and I was having charlie horses in my right breast all night long( the radiated side) so that was a ton of fun at 3am. I swear if I watch another infomercial for Wen or the Slap chop I’m gonna loose it!

I still have so many concerns about how I’ll look after the next surgery. Which is the surgery to exchange the expanders for my “magical” implants. This is how I picture the day of my surgery. The implants will arrive under guard to a rolled out pink carpet. Then the box will arrive with my implants in it. Now the box is glass,however it will be blinged out with diamonds and sparkles. Ahhh yes ! My new perky, never wear a bra, magical breasts!!  Santa came early this year and left me two new breasts, no lumps of coal here. I have been a awfully good girl! 😉

So even though I will be in a ton of pain after the injections, it will be time to celebrate and put those dancing shoes on!!! Today I have again accomplished another mile stone in my cancer journey. I am proud to have gotten here with the love and support of my friends and family. And I can’t forget my wonderful PS and oncologist.

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You bet it is!!!!

All I have to say is ,fair well you giant needles, its been fun and you did a great job. But I am happy without you going into my boobs every week!

I know its gonna feel strange not going every week to get poked, believe me I am ecstatic for this portion to be over. You see the nurses and PS so often , they feel like family. But truthfully I need a break. There had not been a day without any pain since July 26th. Whst I have happen next is letting my muscle get used to the size they are whichbtakes 6-8 weeks. Then f the swap takes place. Its gonna feel like like a vacation to me ( minus the bikini, who am I kidding I did wear one before all the BC stuff came along).

So today if you hear some club music or something with a good beat, do a little dance , knowing I will be with you in spirit dancing right along, celebrating my new boobs!
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I can now saw I am a little more then half way done with the entire process all I have to say is, YAY for my boobs!!!

The eve before my fill

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Anxiety…. what a horrible feeling it is. I have been fighting it all day thinking about the pain of tomorrow. I am the first to admit I have been plagued by it most of my life, but it has been amplified with the mastectomy. I was not even this bad two years ago with the chemo and radiation. Maybe its the fact I have to much time to think about the pending surgeries. And no one belts it unless you have been in this situation or are haunted by this anxiety. The fact is it just sucks!
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Tomorrow will come and go just like all the other fills have. And my breasts will be slightly bigger, thank god!! At least I will be getting something in return for the pain and worry. And now its time to look towards the future, I need to book the next surgery. I will be so happy to get rid of the damn expanders that have caused months of pain, good riddance!! Wish me luck for tomorrow that it will be a “lesser” pain of a day!!! And one step closer to being done!

Breast Cancer Christmas Carols

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NOWHERE TO RUN

I would usually insert an 80’s CANCER JAM OF THE DAY here, but I have a special treat in store for you. Nothing captures the spirit of the holidays more than “The Twelve Months of Treatment”.  Who wants a partridge in a pear tree anyway?

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In the twelve months of treatment, breast cancer gave to me:

Twelve dates with Taxol,

Eleven flashes flashing,

Ten years of payments,

Nine nurses poking,

Eight pain meds I’m milking,

Seven different doctors,

Six weeks of burning,

Five years of Ta-mox-i-fen!

Four kinds of scans,

Three sur-ger-ies,

Two missing boobs,

And sep-sis from the port they put in me.

Can’t you just hear Bing Crosby in the background while you’re roasting those chestnuts? And no, I don’t really have 8 pain meds!

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2, The Magic Number!

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I am finally here! The end of having my expanders getting filled. No more gigantic needles in my breasts every week!!! Thursday will mark one of the last fills I will have. I am currently at 900 CC’s, so only 50 to go! I feel that I am half way through this long, long journey, yippie!!!

 

However this does not come without some concerns.The first is, I am uneven. My left breast is bigger then the right by a lot. Two, I am afraid they are not big enough. Now I know what your thinking, ” how the hell can 950 not be enough?”. Well, when I had my mastectomy done, my one breast was 1600 cc’s. So what I have is half of what I had before. The actual implant that are going to be put in are 800cc’s.I just don’t get this numbers game! Why do I go 150cc’s bigger only to disappoint me with a set of ping pong balls I will call my breasts! Now Im not looking to be Pam Anderson, I just want my body to look balanced. I know there will be fat transfered by lipo(I have many places on my body to get that from lol). We can do a tissue transfer, but do I want to be cut up more?? And not to mention I still have not decided on what I want do about the nipples. So many choices to make!

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I hope I dont look like this!!