The eve before my fill


Anxiety…. what a horrible feeling it is. I have been fighting it all day thinking about the pain of tomorrow. I am the first to admit I have been plagued by it most of my life, but it has been amplified with the mastectomy. I was not even this bad two years ago with the chemo and radiation. Maybe its the fact I have to much time to think about the pending surgeries. And no one belts it unless you have been in this situation or are haunted by this anxiety. The fact is it just sucks!

Tomorrow will come and go just like all the other fills have. And my breasts will be slightly bigger, thank god!! At least I will be getting something in return for the pain and worry. And now its time to look towards the future, I need to book the next surgery. I will be so happy to get rid of the damn expanders that have caused months of pain, good riddance!! Wish me luck for tomorrow that it will be a “lesser” pain of a day!!! And one step closer to being done!


About chemobrainandmore

My name is Heather and I am now 39 yrs old living at the Jersey shore. I was diagnosed Jan 2011 with stage II A breast cancer right after my 36th birthday. Sadly I was married for just a year at the time.I had four rounds of chemo 33 round of radiation a lumpectonly and MANY ,MANY biopsies. As if that was not enough I ended up having a total hysterectomy summer of 2012. And then this past July 2013 I under went a bilateral mastectomy and I am still under going reconstruction. I am a mom, a wife and a survivor! I have had more ups and downs then I have fingers and toes! But through it all I have had a smile on my face and try to laugh my way through it all. I have done two Strides Walk for breast cancer and I am extremely proud of how much I have raised ( I made pacesetter status!) I enjoy laughing and making people laugh, and if my blog can shed some light on cancer and make one person laugh at ,or with me ,then the fight has been worth it. Thank you for reading about my life and taking a ride with me on this journey. Feel free to reach out to me, I love being able to pay it forward and help others!

8 responses »

  1. Last fill? That’s a great feeling, mentally, not physically. Hopefully the wait between now and the final exchange surgery will go by quickly for you. My exchange surgery is scheduled for early March and I cannot wait! Let’s have a party when the tissue expanders are gone!! 😀

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