Its like struggling to breathe.
Being back to work has been physically and mentally a struggle. By 3pm I’m done. I need a long, long nap. My chest hurts and my brain is MUSH! I constantly finding my self saying to my coworkers ” am I repeating myself” or forgetting something that was said to me two mins before. All I can say is its exhausting and frustrating! Its like I’m loosing my mind! Not to mention I’ve developed a lump on my right breast that protrudes. One Dr thinks its a cyst another think its scar tissue. I don’t even have to tell you what I think it is, it goes without saying. I feel like no one understands this part of the journey. The part where going back to life is a total struggle…
The other battle I still am dealing with is the denial of my disability. It blows my mind that someone who probably is not a doctor, and sure as hell does not know me, decided I should have been back to work three days after my last surgery, WTF!! What gives them the right to mess with my life, future, job and financial situation. This is weighing on my mind all the time.
And it goes without saying all of this just triggers the PTSD and panic attacks. When do I finally get a break and get to take breath and say, ” its all good, there are no fights for now”.
Anyone have any suggestions on how they got through this part?
OK, I have to admit I didn’t like Breaking Bad at first. Yes, boo hiss at me I deserve it. I just thought it was a show about some meth heads… in my defense I didn’t see it from the beginning, so I decided to binge watch it and I LOVED it!
The premise of a dying man with lung cancer doing anything to secure the future of his family,I totally get it. But when you get down to the nitty griddy of it, he could pretty much be any of us. The twisted fact that its a chemistry teacher who has lung cancer and he learns to cook meth is a brilliant!!! Chemistry teacher by day, then by night uses the same knowledge to whip up blue meth to make millions is genius!!!
So this got me thinking what would you do if you had this terminal diagnosis? Would you fight( like many of us have and do)? Give up? Or would you ” break bad” like Walter White??
This is my latest T-shirt added to my sick cancer humor and what I owe the idea for this topic to. Hell, if you can’t laugh at yourself who can you laugh at?
This is an amazing video that was sent to me by one of my friends. This brought tears to my eyes because I see myself in this woman. Everything in this really puts breast reconstruction into prospective for those people who just don’t get the epidemic of us that struggle to be “normal” after having a mastectomy. And I totally get the awkward looks you get when you say you have no nipples, I now tell people for shock value lmao, hell if you can’t laugh at yourself and keep fighting, it makes this journey even longer!
I have a feeling I maybe taking a road trip to Maryland with my girls after my next surgery for crabs and a “Vinny”!!!! Enjoy!!
(This is not a tatt from Vinny , I just thought it was appropriate 🙂