As I recover in my medical recliner from my recent reconstruction. ( and man is this one rough!) I still can’t pull myself up, open door or really stand for too long before the pain stars in. So I am revising my Etsy store to keep me sane, nothing like fixing pictures and titles to get my mind moving! Here is my address to my store, check it out and let me know how you like it!
Well, it’s finally here!! My consultation for my mastectomy reconstruction and nipple reconstruction is tomorrow. Yes, once again more surgery. At this point I’ve stopped counting lol. It’s been well over a year I had my implants placed, now it’s time to tune them up!
I approach this with joy, excitement and fear. Excitement to be “complete”, joy to be moving on with this and fear of the unknown. How will I look? Will I be happy? And of course how much will it hurt? All I know there is something in me that says now is the right time. I want to feel whole again. I know the fear of cancer will always linger but finishing this process will help me have some closure to the cancer chapter in my life, and allow me to open a new chapter…life after cancer, being a survivor!
Wow! This one was a doozey! On day 15 after infusion and my joints still ache! So I decided to read up on my favorite drug of choice. Not only is this for bones but its given mets!! Didn’t know I was still getting a chemo like drug every six months. It also totally explains why I’m completely wiped out!! I thought its supposed to get easier with time?!? Or is that only broken hearts lol? Well I only hope and pray by Monday its gone because with my brain like total mush at work, unable to recall the simplest things I can take the body pain on top of it. Fingers crosses it will be a pain free Monday!!
Yep, it’s been six months since my last vile infusion of Zometa. I am so horribly anxious about the pain. And yes, the night terrors have stated up. What I’m so anxious about Is this type of bone pain is indescribable. It gives me chills just thinking of how my legs, jaw and pelvis will ache and I won’t sleep or walk 😦 Unfortunately it is a evil necessity!
The positive is, three down seven to go!!!! Ok, not much positivity to go on with this one, but I’ll be happy I won’t have osteoporosis in my 70’s! So I guess BRING IT ON, I’ve been through worse, right?????
Its been so nice having a break from having my girls filled! Four weeks of not being a pin cousin, a-m-a-z-i-n-g! Consider it a physical vacation without actually physically going any where.
Next week starts up the visits again. Tue gyn I missed my annual exam. I know shame on me but when I was due When I had my mastectomy done. I’m sure my doc will forgive me. Next week also brings my appt with my PS. Hopefully I will select the type of implants! Its kinda like waiting for Christmas again! It also brings lots of anxiety knowing the next surgery is looming. I hate when I am told ” you should be happy, your almost done”. Oh yea! Well I think you should s@#%w yourself, how you like that!! I know people mean well but sometimes things are better left unsaid.
Its scary to face yet another surgery. I can count on both hands how many times I have been in surgery. The ride there is the worst. I know this is not “supposed” to be as bad as the mastectomy, but I get chills thinking about the horrific pain I was in. Its not like labor where you forget, that memory is burned into my brain forever!
Also the week after next I see my surgical oncologist. Then my medical oncologist for my infusion of Reclast. I was due in August but couldn’t do. I <emHATEthis infusion. Its for my bones because I’ve had the hysterectomy and I am on Femera, they don’t want me to get bone loss. This infusion hurts my entire body. My bones just ache for days. Last time I had it I was in bed for 5 days. Hopefully it won’t be so bad.
Wish me luck!
Anxiety…. what a horrible feeling it is. I have been fighting it all day thinking about the pain of tomorrow. I am the first to admit I have been plagued by it most of my life, but it has been amplified with the mastectomy. I was not even this bad two years ago with the chemo and radiation. Maybe its the fact I have to much time to think about the pending surgeries. And no one belts it unless you have been in this situation or are haunted by this anxiety. The fact is it just sucks!
Tomorrow will come and go just like all the other fills have. And my breasts will be slightly bigger, thank god!! At least I will be getting something in return for the pain and worry. And now its time to look towards the future, I need to book the next surgery. I will be so happy to get rid of the damn expanders that have caused months of pain, good riddance!! Wish me luck for tomorrow that it will be a “lesser” pain of a day!!! And one step closer to being done!