Its been a while since I’ve posted that’s because I have been dealing with a issue that is not talked about, mental illness and cancer. I know all of us have,or has depression, or anxiety related to our dx and treatments. I always worry about ” what if” the cancer is back and i wont find it.But PTSD also??? Yes, I have it all and I am not afraid to say it. To put it in my own terms I have the “trifecta of crazy” 🙂 lol.
I have had the depression for a while and truly thought it was the pain meds I was on messing with my chemical in my brain. But I knew it was something else when we I would wake shaking, heart racing, sweating and crying. That’s more then depression…its PTSD! I find myself jumping at every noise, everything is like nails on a chalk board to me. And the now I’m having the wonderful dreams about things as I see as trauma. The best part of all this are the panic attacks. Once my heart is racing ( I call it my omg feeling) my mind is like a merry go round on fast, and there is no stopping it. I become so irrational about what ever it is. At the time I can’t see it, its only the day after I realize how silly it was, at the time the fear is VERY real.
I know there is social stigma STILL attached to mental illness. Why is that?? I want to raise awareness to these issues related to cancer. It’s so scary and shocking for me to be diagnosed with all this. I mean it’s not the feeling you had being told you have cancer but its a close second. But the sad thing is I knew it was coming. I should have reached out for help back in October! But truth be told, I was afraid to because everyone always said I was strong. I though I was weak by seeking help. I’m starting to realize it takes a stronger person to ask for, and get the help they need then trying to fight this all consuming issue on my own.