As I recover in my medical recliner from my recent reconstruction. ( and man is this one rough!) I still can’t pull myself up, open door or really stand for too long before the pain stars in. So I am revising my Etsy store to keep me sane, nothing like fixing pictures and titles to get my mind moving! Here is my address to my store, check it out and let me know how you like it!
Well, it’s finally here!! My consultation for my mastectomy reconstruction and nipple reconstruction is tomorrow. Yes, once again more surgery. At this point I’ve stopped counting lol. It’s been well over a year I had my implants placed, now it’s time to tune them up!
I approach this with joy, excitement and fear. Excitement to be “complete”, joy to be moving on with this and fear of the unknown. How will I look? Will I be happy? And of course how much will it hurt? All I know there is something in me that says now is the right time. I want to feel whole again. I know the fear of cancer will always linger but finishing this process will help me have some closure to the cancer chapter in my life, and allow me to open a new chapter…life after cancer, being a survivor!
Well here I am approximately almost 4 years in remission, and I finally feel like I’m moving on with my life. My husband and I are starting to embark on a new journey of surrogacy. I still have more reconstruction to be done before the birth, but we are jumping on that mommy and daddy wagon right now. Some how in my body I’ve got a biological clock, and it’s ticking. Yes! Amazingly enough a part of my body that has not been remove! Lol
In between having my lumpectomy and my chemo treatment, I was smart enough to have my eggs harvested at age 36. I really feel that doctors nowadays need to inform younger women of their options about the fertility before going through treatment chemo. I only had a 8 week window to squeeze two cycles of IVF in. If I was informed sooner I might have done one before my lumpectomy and two after. I Was only able to harvest nine eggs which resulted in eight embryos. I had also found out during IVF I had polycystic ovarian syndrome, who the hell has this many diagnosis is in their life??? So it looked like Cancer or not,Ivf was in my future, but not necessarily a gestational carrier. Thanks Cancer for throwing that curve ball into the mix!
Now,I had mixed feelings about disclosing myself obtaining a gestational carrier for my embryo. Hopefully there are some people out there like me who can share their story. I was hesitant because a lot of people have made very nasty comments to me particularly about my age and having a baby. Or me being too ill ( I now have fibro and lupus,yay) Seriously??? Wtf?? At 40 I’m too old? Believe me I didn’t choose to get cancer at 36, nor would I wish this on anyone else. I think 40 is the new 30, and to all those who have nasty opinions… What’s the saying? Opinions are like A-holes everone has one?? Or I prefer the golden rule, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all! I beat cancer, I CAN raise a child. My son is already 15 yrs old and I did it while fighting cancer. That should tell you I am one strong woman.
And what about Juliana Ransik, anyone make nasty comments to her? She didn’t have chemo or a hysterectomy, but because she’s famous it’s ok?
Ok, enough about my rant lol. I’m excited for my family to hopefully be growing. It’s a long process, lots of paperwork, lots of patience and lots of money. I guess it’s going to be kinda like Match.com for a uterus!! I just pray my husband will be blessed with a child of our own, or twins if we are even more lucky!( not to be greedy, but been through hell n back I think that’s ok to be lol).
I really don’t know what to expect on this journey. I know there will be ups and downs. And the big one, no guarantee this will work, but we won’t know until we try. Hopefully this time next year I will be writing about what to expect, when your expecting someone else carrying your child 🙂
Of course all of us who have or had cancer have thought about death.
Hearing about Brittany Meynard story of course hits very close to home. Only being 29 and being diagnosed with terminal brain cancer and being given the opportunity to choose the day that she dies, to me makes her one of the strongest people I have ever seen.
Now, some people say that it’s being selfish choosing to take your own life in that manner. People in our position ,and given that there is a choice it’s not being selfish! Its actually being generous to the family and friends that you love. It gives them the opportunity to say goodbye and with dignity.
I feel like the people who are against this just don’t get the pain and suffering that people who have cancer go through. ( and other terminal diseases). And not to mention the financial cost that it brings to the family. For the past four years all I’ve been doing is dealing with surgeries scans, infusions, medications. Also not being able to work and having to be on disability really put you in a financial predicament,even though you do have insurance, the disability does not pay much.
Of course this is brought about the thought of my own mortality. ( not that I have not thought about it several times over the past 3years). But it is alwaysin the back if my mind what if the cancer comes back again, what would I do? What would you do? I mean going to chemo was pure hell, radiation was not much better, the multiple biopsies, the mastectomy tme and now several surgeries following my mastectomy, has all been so trying on myself and my family. So, if some reason I was in her position and I was given that short amount of time knowing how painful this would be, I would do the exact same thing she is doing.
So to you Brittney,I say bravo because you are taking control of this disease, youare choosing when it is your time to go and youhave that right to die in the matter that you see fitting.
Brittany I hope somehow you find comfort in knowing what lies ahead and that your family is excepting of your choice. I hope that all the attention on this brings light to end of life issues. Because unless you have had a deadly disease or have a love one who does, you just don’t understand fully what this is all about.
We’ll it my week to celebrate 3 yrs in remission and counting! I’m half way there!! 5 is the Magic number and hell YES!!! I am gonna make it. I’ve come too far and fought to hard not to! Life is good, it’s different now, but still good! I’m so grateful for being here and living life!!
I’m proud to say I am part of this amazing group of people fund raising to end breast cancer. This is my third year walking for ACS and I am looking forward to many more years of supporting the fight for a cure. My goal this is to raise $2800, surpassing my first walk of $2600. I KNOW I CAN DO THIS! And no one will tell me I can’t, your talking about a two time survivor so I am even more determined!
Please pass along my info by text, reblogg on WordPress, FB, twitter, word of mouth, carrier pigeon lol just anyway to get it out there. If your able to donate even a doller it’s greatly appreciated! If your unable to, just cheering my team on is a huge help! I am also selling several “unique” breast cancer support bracelets for donations( they make me laugh & I figured will make someone else laugh too).Please send me a message if you are interested in a bracelet and so can send you pics of them and arrangements to get it to you.
I just have to say I am just so excited for October! It’s a passion I have!! Now, pink is def not my fav color, but it a color for a great cause! I pray one day I won’t have to fund raise anymore because there will be a cure. Until then, Heathers “New” Rack Pack will be hitting the pavement every year!! I just want to be able to give back to what has been given to me. It’s karma!! And it makes the hell I’ve been through all worth it if I can help just one person!
So who’s ready to start supporting,donating and kick some cancer ass?!?!?
Thanks!!!! Heather aka, The “New” Rack Pack
PLEASE VISIT MY TEAM PAGE WITH THE LINK BELOW
OK, I have to admit I didn’t like Breaking Bad at first. Yes, boo hiss at me I deserve it. I just thought it was a show about some meth heads… in my defense I didn’t see it from the beginning, so I decided to binge watch it and I LOVED it!
The premise of a dying man with lung cancer doing anything to secure the future of his family,I totally get it. But when you get down to the nitty griddy of it, he could pretty much be any of us. The twisted fact that its a chemistry teacher who has lung cancer and he learns to cook meth is a brilliant!!! Chemistry teacher by day, then by night uses the same knowledge to whip up blue meth to make millions is genius!!!
So this got me thinking what would you do if you had this terminal diagnosis? Would you fight( like many of us have and do)? Give up? Or would you ” break bad” like Walter White??
This is my latest T-shirt added to my sick cancer humor and what I owe the idea for this topic to. Hell, if you can’t laugh at yourself who can you laugh at?