Tag Archives: humor

Update. Let the healing begin..,AGAIN!

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  Here I am not able to sleep. Partially because of pain but mostly anxiety. Plus the dog curled up in my lap constantly does not help the hot flashes, but it’s ok I need the snuggling to get me through this. 

 Boomer snuggling with me  Tomorrow I get to see my new breasts!! And maybe have a drain removed ( I hate them they are horribly sore) I really hope this was the last surgery, and believe me this one was a doozie!!! Constant pulling and pressure. 

The first day home was a huge struggle to get the pain meds right. The second day started running a fever, highest it went was 100.9, whew just missed going to Er. I have tendencies to run fevers after all my surgeries. I think it has something to do with my Lupus. Having a fever to go along with everything else was pretty unbareable. But I can see some cleavage!! At least there is cleavage at the end of this tunnel!🚂 

I’m just so uncomfertable with the two drains and not being able to lift my arms. My husband has been a fantastic caregiver as always, I don’t know if I could do it for someone else.

My son has also been a huge help, but you know 15yr olds busy with friends and work. Sadly to say this is “normal” for him lol. I do feel this entire cancer thing has made him a better person. I see a lot of compassion from him and he has a tendency to always help someone in need. ( plus he does his own  wash! Your welcome future wife! Just don’t meet him for like 13-14yrs from now I’m not quite ready to cut the apron strings 😁)

I’ll be back in a few days with an update of how my girls are going

Oh and don’t forget to check out my Etsy store!! http://www.etsy.com/store/ ShoreSerenity , sea glass jewelry, beachy decor , wine cork decor and  wreaths. If u mention my blog “chemobrainandmore”, you will receive 15% off any one item in my shop, good only until September 5th so hurry! One per customer please. 

 
 

Reconstructing the reconstruction, surgery time again tomorrow!

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Well yes, it’s that time again we all love, preparing for surgery. Somehow I end up having one major surgery for each of the past five years! Now it finally time to fix up my girls! I’m now a pro at this by now!

It’s been a year and a half since my implants where put in. Things have settled and I’ve lost weight. My right side keeps contracting making my left side 3 sizes bigger. We are hoping with this revision it will help it not look so much bigger.

So this apparently is pretty painful… PLEASE! I’ve been down this road before I can handle it! They will be creating pockets on my chest wall and placing the implants in them to prevent them from being so moble. Let’s not forget I’m a large girl, my implants are 900cc, it take a village to hold my girls up lol. And let’s not forget the part we all love the most…the drains!! Yes for two weeks I will be battling these lovelys. Let the measuring begin!

So I’ve gone over my own list of ” mastectomy must haves”, knitting needle, dry shampoo, chair, good ol Poocharoo and of course the wonderful care from my husband rick. Everything seems to be set for 7:30am surgery tomorrow. 

Just trying to relax today an not worry about the three house surgery. I know I will wake up a new person, just in a little more pain then when I went to sleep.

Another major thing happening is, our deposit is down for our gestational carrier!! Hopefully by the time my twins are healed, we could actually be expect another set of twins, babies!! Positive thoughts for both out comes! 😁

Finally…reconstruction and nipples are here! HORRAY!!

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Finally…reconstruction and nipples are here! HORRAY!!

Well, it’s finally here!! My consultation for my mastectomy reconstruction and nipple reconstruction is tomorrow. Yes, once again more surgery. At this point I’ve stopped counting lol. It’s been well over a year I had my implants placed, now it’s time to tune them up!

  
I approach this with joy, excitement and fear. Excitement to be “complete”, joy to be moving on with this and fear of the unknown. How will I look? Will I be happy? And of course how much will it hurt? All I know there is something in me that says now is the right time. I want to feel whole again. I know the fear of cancer will always linger  but finishing this process will help me have some closure to the cancer chapter in my life, and allow me to open a new chapter…life after cancer, being a survivor! 

 

Is it really infusion time again?!?! How much can a person take??

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Is it really infusion time again?!?! How much can a person take??

Yep, it’s been six months since my last vile infusion of Zometa. I am so horribly anxious about the pain. And yes, the night terrors have stated up. What I’m so anxious about Is this type of bone pain is indescribable. It gives me chills just thinking of how my legs, jaw and pelvis will ache and I won’t sleep or walk 😦 Unfortunately it is a evil necessity!

The positive is, three down seven to go!!!! Ok, not much positivity to go on with this one, but I’ll be happy I won’t have osteoporosis in my 70’s! So I guess BRING IT ON, I’ve been through worse, right?????

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Why do I still feel like everything is a struggle?

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Its like struggling to breathe.

Being back to work has been physically and mentally a struggle. By 3pm I’m done. I need a long, long nap. My chest hurts and my brain is MUSH! I constantly finding my self saying to my coworkers ” am I repeating myself” or forgetting something that was said to me two mins before. All I can say is its exhausting and frustrating! Its like I’m loosing my mind! Not to mention I’ve developed a lump on my right breast that protrudes. One Dr thinks its a cyst another think its scar tissue. I don’t even have to tell you what I think it is, it goes without saying. I feel like no one understands this part of the journey. The part where going back to life is a total struggle…

The other battle I still am dealing with is the denial of my disability. It blows my mind that someone who probably is not a doctor, and sure as hell does not know me, decided I should have been back to work three days after my last surgery, WTF!! What gives them the right to mess with my life, future, job and financial situation. This is weighing on my mind all the time.

And it goes without saying all of this just triggers the PTSD and panic attacks. When do I finally get a break and get to take breath and say, ” its all good, there are no fights for now”.

Anyone have any suggestions on how they got through this part?
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Would you be willing to break bad??

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OK, I have to admit I didn’t like Breaking Bad at first. Yes, boo hiss at me I deserve it. I just thought it was a show about some meth heads… in my defense I didn’t see it from the beginning, so I decided to binge watch it and I LOVED it!

The premise of a dying man with lung cancer doing anything to secure the future of his family,I totally get it. But when you get down to the nitty griddy of it, he could pretty much be any of us. The twisted fact that its a chemistry teacher who has lung cancer and he  learns to cook meth is a brilliant!!!  Chemistry teacher by day, then by night uses the same knowledge to whip up blue meth to make millions is genius!!!

So this got me thinking what would you do if you had this terminal diagnosis? Would you fight( like many of us have and do)? Give up? Or would you ” break bad” like Walter White??

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This is my latest T-shirt added to my sick cancer humor and what I owe the idea for this topic to. Hell, if you can’t laugh at yourself who can you laugh at?

What do nipple tattoos and crabs have in common??

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This is an amazing video that was sent to me by one of my friends. This brought tears to my eyes because I see myself in this woman. Everything in this really puts breast reconstruction into prospective for those people who just don’t get the epidemic of us that struggle to be “normal” after having a mastectomy. And I totally get the awkward looks you get when you say you have no nipples, I now tell people for shock value lmao, hell if you can’t laugh at yourself and keep fighting, it makes this journey even longer!

I have a feeling I maybe taking a road trip to Maryland with my girls after my next surgery for crabs and a “Vinny”!!!! Enjoy!!

http://www.superstarmagazine.com/tattoo-artist-gives-women-a-new-hope-of-loving-their-bodies-again-this-is-epic

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(This is not a tatt from Vinny , I just thought it was appropriate 🙂